Being in love with you

Being in love with you
Is to abandon the piano:
It is to take up the castanets,
The bugle,
The kettle drum.

It is to sleep naked, with all the doors and windows open,
Fearing nothing.

Being in love with you means many days I am so happy
I can barely feed myself:
I laugh or weep or both and set aside the fork.

It means I wake one morning feeling
Such warmth rising inside me
That I am suddenly confident
All snow would melt
Within my steady gaze;
And I dress quickly
To test this
On the crisp, December Landscape.

Being in love with you further means the rhododendrons
Are in bloom, the mongoose
Is mating, the moon is full and the wind strong
Along the western ghats of South India.

Being in love with you sings arias
In my head, hums loudly
In my bones.
It beats the drum.

Some complain that being in love with you is merely an airtight ferocity,
Or a kind of rococo piety,
But we proclaim it
This Resplendent Helmet,
A radical and luminous sobriety.

Being in love with you is crucial.
Everything depends upon it.
In summer, being in love with you is red, raw and delicious.
In winter it is blue, lucent, and shimmers when touched.

Being in love with you is to forget
For a moment the use of fruit:
It is to stare long at the splendour
Of a green pear
On a white porcelain plate.

Being in love with you is old as Laughing Buddha,
And as fat.

Being in love with you is only now,
Cannot be remembered
Or imagined.

Being in love with you is to notice the basic radiance of all things,
And is thus a simple, unarmed, fundamental bathing.

Being in love with you is as well, a small well-kept apartment
In the middle of busy Kyoto,
Where, with great contentment,
A young couple sit
At a low table
Eating their evening meal
Of sweet hijiki
On beds of warm rice,
The silence broken only
By faint, almost musical
Clinks of chopsticks
Upon the oval bowls.

Being in love with you for even one second
Is enough. The big picture changes.
(When the honey jar is opened,the whole kitchen is instantly sticky.)

Being in love with you is a deep thirst,
An undermining hunger.
It is a desperation like that of a barn swallow caught
In a kitchen mousetrap,
Dragging itself with his wings
And one good leg
Towards the dog-door,
His only hope.

Being in love with you is ludicrous and cannot be explained.
Being in love with you sneaks up on me from behind.
It is a kind of ambush.
Or worse, it is an avalanche
In which I am tumbled furiously
For a time, then stopped cold
In whatever absurd position the snow
Finds me - perhaps only a hat
Or a hand
Visible to the outside world.

Being in love with you sits on my doorstep
And weeps. It calls pathetically
To be let in the house, rants
About my neglectfulness. I run
To open the door but - when I touch
The doorknob - feel a tap
On my shoulder, turn around
And it is there,
Smiling its galling
Cheshire smile.

It is the holy guardian of archways, the faithful steward of
All tunnels and bridges.

It is alpine and religious, naked and fierce.
It is the kiss of candour, and the cherished cup.
It is “the low down” and “the real dope”.

Being in love with you is to dream, at least once, that you live inside me
Like a mysterious Spanish town at twilight: you are the red dirt road
That winds into town;
You are the squat houses with lamps lit and drapes half-drawn;
On the horizon, you are sunset’s silent fire;
You, bouncing are the green and orange swirled ball that children run after
Laughing in the street - and on the porch, the old man, head in hands,
Watching;
You are the young lovers in the town square at nightfall, the moon’s play of
Light and shadow on their faces, you are their lips, their kiss;
And yet you are also the several dead drunk matadors, draped over chairs,
Spread-eagled over the hotel bed;
And you, too, are the town idiot on the tavern roof, dancing a pot bellied
Belly-dance to the slender crescent moon;
And at the farthest edge of town, you yourself are the yelled-at mule, who
Will not budge.

In spring, being in love with you is green, resilient, and sways to the rhythms of wind.
In autumn, it is pale gold and fills the sky.

Being in love with you is centripetal.

Moreover, it choreographs
And christens.
It cradles and cherishes, yet
Confiscates as much as it confers.
It clobbers and clocks, then cloisters - but only to clarify
And cleanse.
It seems to cathart then catnap, but later celebrates
And celestializes.
It cultivates and cumulates until it is continual combustion.
Or, saying the same, is a kind of ever spontaneous consecration.
It cures and cushions,
Compels and completes.
If threatened with congealing, it may creep
Aside, churn and circulate,
Conspiring to colour the cosmos.

Being in love with you is centrifugal.

It is hard to believe
Being in love with you
Was once
That tiny space
In my heart
That has since exploded
Into a vast cathedral
Of sky
Under which I stand alone,
Looking up.

It is raining cats and dogs.
I am drenched.
Being in love with you has soaked me
To the bone
And I will never again
Be dry.

Thinking About You

Passing through one of the worst time period of life and wish you could be around to help me out, console me and make me rest my head on you, Kash aaap humare saath hote

Kuchh Ankahi Si Baat.....

Tune jo na kaha
Mein woh sunta raha
Khamakha bewajah Khwaab Bunta raha
Jaane kiski humein lag gayi hai nazar
Is Shehar mein Na apna tikana raha
Koi chahat se na ab apni chalta raha

Khamakha bewajah Khwaab Bunta raha
Dard phele se hai jyaaada
Khud se phir yeh vaada
Khamosh Nazrein Rahein Bezubaan

Abb Na pehli si baatein hai
Bolo to Lab thartharatein hai
Raaz yeh dil ka na ho baiyan
Hoga na ab asar humpe nahin
Hum safar mein to hai Humsafar hai nahi
Door jaata raha Paas aata raha
Khamakha bewajah Khwaab Bunta raha

Aaya woh phir Nazar aise
Baat chidne lagi phir se
Aankhon mein chubhta kal ka dhuan
Haal tera na humsa hai
Is khushi mein kyon gumsa hai
Basne laga kyon phir woh jahan

Woh jahan dur jis se gaye the nikal
Phir se aankhon mein karti hai jaise pehal
Lambha beeta hua ,Dil Dukhata raha
Khamakha bewajah Khwaab Bunta raha

tune jo na kaha main wo sunta raha
main wo sunta raha
khaamkha bewajah khwaab bunta raha
jaane kis ki hamein lag gayi hai nazar is shehar mein na apna thikana raha

Chand ke saath kai dard purane nikle

By saying to write about you is something very interesting. And you are saying I should write about this relationship. What is to write about this relationship. For writing about anything there are two ways- one you imagine and write that something has happenned but mind, not very often in relationships allows you to imagne and second one is that something happens and you write about that. I think this relationship is still running on platonic level, each one feeding to the missing gaps in other’s life. It looks like a bridge that has been built within two bleeding hearts. With the bridge comes its own emotions, anger, doubts and passion. For writing about a relationship, one needs to live within the relationship and find out the dimensionalities and magnitude or intent of that relationship. Nothing has gone so far into the intensity level that will make one to cry aloud on the roof top and blame God for what is happenning around! Yes, over the days, months, years one needs to identify and explore what are the finer aspects of this relationship.

Ebe Aie Barashare

Ebe aei barshare
tume niti bhijuthiba
tuma panata heuthiba oda,
ebe aie barshare
tuma akhpata aanuthiba
nua kete mitha sapana,
Ebe eie barshare
tume deha bhoguthiba
aneka alasha pana
aau jaubana ra dahana,

ebe aie barshare
tume kalaghumara
baala ra megha tale
jaguthiba aneka sapana.

Ebe aie barshare
mun nahin tuma pakhare
athacha achhi mora
nijapana, chumbana o alingana.

ebe aie barshare
mun nahin tume pakhare
athacha achhi matuala pabana
jaha chhui jauthiba tuma dehamana.

Ebe aie barshare
Mun achhi tuma pakhe
tuma odaa akhi pata tale
tume dehara eulare,
tumaku chhunthiba mitha pabanare.

Dina kebe mun nathibi pruthivire
atacha chhunuthiba barsha pratithara
Tumera dehaku aau mitha anubhaba ku
ankuthiba lalimaa munha sanjare

jete thara chhunuthiba barsha topa
sete thara mun jien jibi tumari smrutire
thae ki nathae ei pruthivire

Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye

Jitne Bhi Mausam Diye Sab Nam Diye
Jab Tadapta Hai Kabhi Apna

KoiKhoon Ke Aansoo Rula De Bebasi
Jee Ke Phir Karna Kya Mujhko Aisi Zindagi
Jisne Zakhmon Ko Nahi Marham Diye

Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye

Jitne Bhi Mausam Diye Sab Nam Diye
Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye
Apne Hi Pesh Aaye Humse Ajnabee

Waqt Ki Saajish Koi Samjha Nahi
Beiraada Kuch Khatayein Humse Ho Gayi
Raah Mein Patthar Meri Har Dam Diye

Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye

Jitne Bhi Mausam Diye Sab Nam Diye
Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye
Ek Mukambal Kashmakash Hai Zindagi

Usne Humse Ki Kabhi Naa Dosti
Jab Mili Mujhko Aasoo Ke Woh Tohphe De Gayi
Has Sake Hum Aise Mauke Kam Diye
Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye

Jitne Bhi Mausam Diye Sab Nam Diye
Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye

Kabhi Youn Bhi To Ho

kabhi yuN bhi to
dariyaa kaa saahil ho, poore chaand ki raat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yun bhi to ho
pariyon ki mahfil ho, koi tumhaari baat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yun bhi to ho
kabhi yun bhi to ho
ye naram mulaayam thandi havaayen
jab ghar se tumhaare guzaren, tumhaari khushboo churaayen
mere ghar le aayen
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
sooni har mahfil ho, koi naa mere saath ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yun bhi to ho
kabhi yun bhi to ho
ye baadal aisaa toot ke barse
mere dil ki tarah milne ko, tumhaara dil bhi tarse
tum niklo ghar se
kabhi yun bhi to ho
tanhaai ho dil ho, boonde hon barsaat ho aur tum aao
kabhi yun bhi to ho
dariyaa kaa saahil ho, poore chaand ki raat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yun bhi to ho

Answers to Your Questions

ye bataa de muze jindagee
pyaar kee raah ke humasafar, kis tarah ban gaye ajanabee
ye bataa de muze jindagee
fool kyo saare murazaa gaye, kis liye buz gayee roshanee
kal jo baahon mein thee, aaur nigaahon mein thee
ab wo gamree kahaa kho gayee
naa wo andaaj hai, naa wo aawaaj hai
ab wo namree kahaa kho gayee
bewafaa tum nahee, bewafaa hum nahee
fir wo jajabaat kyo so gaye
pyaar tum ko bhee hai, pyaar hum ko bhee hai
faasale fir ye kyo ho gaye

???????????

Hek baat pe kehte ho tum ke 'too kya hai' ?
tumhee kaho ke yeh andaaz-e-guftgoo kya hai
Na shole mein yeh karishma na barq mein yeh ada
koee batao ki woh shokh-e-tund_khoo kya hai
Yrashk hai ki wo hota hai ham_sukhan tumse
waarna khauf-e-bad_aamozi-e-adoo kya hai
Chipak raha hai badan par lahoo se pairaahan
hamaaree jeb ko ab haajat-e-rafoo kya hai ?
Jalaa hai jism jahaan dil bhee jal gaya hoga
kuredate ho jo ab raakh, justjoo kya hai
ragon mein daudte firne ke ham naheen qaayal
jab aankh hee se na tapka to fir lahoo kya hai ?
Woh cheez jiske liye hamko ho bahisht azeez
siwaay baada-e-gul_faam-e-mushkaboo kya hai ?
Piyoon sharaab agar khum bhee dekh loon do chaar
yeh sheesha-o-qadah-o-kooza-o-suboo kya hai
Rahee na taaqat-e-guftaar, aur agar ho bhee
to kis ummeed pe kahiye ke aarzoo kya hai

Looking at Life More Closely

These are the days of introspection, thoughts, wandering ideas and also sensitivities to your own limitations. What has gone wary? nothing, nothing so far. In the strech of imaginaions that I can take for, I can see nothing has gone wary, but you arere not there?

Why you are not there?
Why the trust that you had evaporated like bubles of early morning? What was the emaning of you wallking into my life after such a long long time and then vanishing for ever/ What does not make you to wait for you? I am standing like an orphan in a long que and waiting for some unknown shadow of rain to come and ambrace me.
Why you are not there at all difficult moments of life ? Why dont I share with you all the pain and sufferring of life?

Why so much of confusion?? Why? Why?

Are You Visiting This Page Anymore

yes, I thought Dubai will be neck deep work but so happenned for these days and today I am free to go back down the memory lane. So many things happenned in between. We fought also and she refused to talk to me for somedays, she also told me about me being mystic! It seems she is again confused with me again, Is she? Why is she ful of self dobuts and why she does not rely on me so much where as she is so close to me?? Why is so? Am I a mystery or she is a mystry? Guess???????

Each Passing Moment in Life

Yes, you are right when you said that I am desperate. I am desperate to see you and meet you in the real world in flesh and blood. It has been long since we met but you often come in dreams. Someone jokes with me saying that why do I have pie eyes always. Its because you come everynight in the dream and when you are around, there is no sleep. I am spending countless hours and nights in thinking about you and assuming you to be a miracle in my life.

Months before I had thought life had gone useless for me. There was no ambition left for me to achieve in life and months down the line, you are like everyday's sunrays and embrace every moment of life with warmth of love and care. Miles apart wherever you are, you are like a distant start that attracts me and mesmerizes me so much that I forget my existence. This much of workload, responsibility, duties and flying so frequently to parts of the world just come to a stand still.
Everytime I travel somewhere, i wish to have some gift for you, but I dont know how you will take it, whether you will like these gifts. My love and emotions will come as tiny particles on each of these gifts and will speak of my heart. Dont take any sadistic pleasure of saying that you will not meet me, If you dont come to see me, dont come on my dreams and dont talk to me, I dont know how life will be and how will it affect me as a persona. Please dont do this. I killed the emotional man within me sometime back (1990 onwards) and now by coming of yours, I think the same man is taking a turn and starting to realize how one can live for someone. Life went on its owncourse and gave its own returns, but life was not life; there was no poetry; there was no dream; there was no 'pagal pana' in that living. I compare my life with life of 1987 and I could see a deadman walking. By coming back you have put life to the deadman and by making me to love you, your thoughts and feelings, you have taught me to live life again in full king size.

Tuma bhala paaibare jadi thae
mora marana,
taha bi manjur,
tumaku paaibara ichhare jadi thae
nijaku talitalaanta karibara
taha bi hau hazoor.

Over The Years, I Love You

I love the way you make me laugh

I love the way you make me cry

Tears of joy stream from my eyes

As I hear your voice, a loving surprise.

I love you when you're angry

I love you when you're sad

I love you when you're glad

When you tell me of the day you had

I love you truly

I love you deeply

Ever since the day

I let you meet me

I missed you when you left

I miss you now more than ever

Making a mistake that I regret

Hoping that you are a forgiver

Without you, my life is strife

But now I ask for a second chance

Be with me and start a life

Together forever, an eternal dance

I wait for you as the days go by

My love is growing inch by inch

I cannot wait to see you again

But I wait for you, and your warm kiss

I love you

On this New Year Day

I wish to pen down what I am thinking and feeling about her in this New Year day. Today is a New Year day for me because I am back to work and reached Chennai just now. I was thinking about her in last couple of days. I was thinking aloud because I had time to think and feel about her in these wee hours of 2008.
When I ask a question about my first impression about her when I met her some sixteen years before, I did get some answer. Was the first meeting a great feeling? I think the answer is yes. Now also many times, she keeps her long hairs open, don’t know why? First time when I met her in a small dingy library room, she was in a yellow dress and her long hairs falling over the whole face. I asked someone about her name and someone answered with the name. She looked up and that look was mesmerizing for me. Her eyes were like waters of a clean village pond, full of purity and innocence. She smiled and walked away with her friend. Her friend was also close to me but ultimately fell into a relationship with one of my younger colleague. Then I met her in formal occasions many times and subsequent to one year or so, met her boyfriend also. Alas, if she could have been my girlfriend at that point of time. We were close in our professional roles and then one day she was gone forever to some unknown world. With her also went those colourful dresses, long hair playing with her face and also the face with heavy lipstick use. Did she ever go out of mind? I don’t think so. She came in between a transient period for me. I was just coming out of a relationship and was confused about life. I was in no mood to think and work in the directions that my heart was showing me. I was lost with lots of issues of life and thought of getting married. Ultimately to get over these thought cycles and to plan the life I got married or should I say I was made to marry and settle down.

Life ran its own course with ‘get, set and go’ and as life progressed the distance between both of us increased. Has he ever fed from my memory? I think the answer is ‘no’. You may seek the reason but I don’t have the reason except her name. If you see my gamut of poetry at my teen, most of them are about rain, monsoon and moon. It must be the level of unspent romanticism within me that guided me for the same mood during college days. I think other than these three imageries I have used Kabita Mishra, a dog, kabuliwala as metaphors in my poetry and stories, but monsoon was the strongest metaphor that I have used in my creative pursuit.

May be it was destined that we will come full circle after so many years by treading so many different paths and finally merge with each other and then plan that, “chalo, life has brought us so far with our own doses of pain, fear and loss and now we will live for each other” when we will go out of this world, at least I will dies a satisfactory death that there was a life for which I lived so many years and loved her unintentionally. Every time I think about her, it reminds me of now how many years are left in life for seeing each other and living for each other, but how many years of life I have wasted just waiting for her. I wish I could live back those years with her.
I wish she reads these pages and feels the same was as I feel. I wish she will give me some days of her life where she will live only for me, with me for whole of twenty four hours. I wish I could touch her, feel her presence around me and hold her hard to myself; I wish I could have lived in her heart forever as she is living within me for all these years and would live till I die and miss forever. I wish I could hold her face close to me; wish I could cover my face with her long hairs, wish she would murmur about this intensity through my years and wish her smell would make me mad like the deer in the forest who runs to find out the source of the smell which comes from within. I wish her to read my blog and think and feel the way I feel about her.