Yes, you are right when you said that I am desperate. I am desperate to see you and meet you in the real world in flesh and blood. It has been long since we met but you often come in dreams. Someone jokes with me saying that why do I have pie eyes always. Its because you come everynight in the dream and when you are around, there is no sleep. I am spending countless hours and nights in thinking about you and assuming you to be a miracle in my life.
Months before I had thought life had gone useless for me. There was no ambition left for me to achieve in life and months down the line, you are like everyday's sunrays and embrace every moment of life with warmth of love and care. Miles apart wherever you are, you are like a distant start that attracts me and mesmerizes me so much that I forget my existence. This much of workload, responsibility, duties and flying so frequently to parts of the world just come to a stand still.
Everytime I travel somewhere, i wish to have some gift for you, but I dont know how you will take it, whether you will like these gifts. My love and emotions will come as tiny particles on each of these gifts and will speak of my heart. Dont take any sadistic pleasure of saying that you will not meet me, If you dont come to see me, dont come on my dreams and dont talk to me, I dont know how life will be and how will it affect me as a persona. Please dont do this. I killed the emotional man within me sometime back (1990 onwards) and now by coming of yours, I think the same man is taking a turn and starting to realize how one can live for someone. Life went on its owncourse and gave its own returns, but life was not life; there was no poetry; there was no dream; there was no 'pagal pana' in that living. I compare my life with life of 1987 and I could see a deadman walking. By coming back you have put life to the deadman and by making me to love you, your thoughts and feelings, you have taught me to live life again in full king size.
Tuma bhala paaibare jadi thae
mora marana,
taha bi manjur,
tumaku paaibara ichhare jadi thae
nijaku talitalaanta karibara
taha bi hau hazoor.
Friday, January 9, 2009
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